misguided ghosts

how can some people be so cold?
one minute your friends and then
in a flash you don't exist to them,
its like a knife through your heart.


and i wonder was all the memories
just a dream or was it reality?
either way i went wrong somewhere,somehow.


but is it possible to care and not care at the same time?
im torn in the middle.


i don't care that you're gone,
but i care that you don't recognize me at all.

at this point i don't think true love exists.
true love-theres no such thing.

each day a black hole is placed beneath my feet,
making me fall deeper and deeper.
my intentions aren't true, i don't mean to
be so boring but this weight against me
is never ending. im at my wits end,
i keep waiting and waiting for somebody to save me
but nobody's there. i keep talking and talking
hoping someone is listening to me.
nobody can seem to read between my lines.
it feels like im drowning but i never actually die,
i just suffer the lack of oxygen and panic.
help me save myself, before i lose my mind.

i guess now is a good time

to tell the truth.


somewhere in between;
i've lost sight of who i am.
i'm torn&sheltered;
i can't seem to talk to anybody,
always keeping thoughts to myself.
emotions are always pushed away and hidden.
i've lost the happiness i once held so tightly;
laughter never so often kisses upon me anymore,
tears ever so often overwhelm me oh so easily.
im a lost soul & i can no longer find my way back;
walking down my path i keep taking two steps forward and three steps back.
i apologize if i caused anybody any disappointment.
my heart has been guarded too well and its repelling back at me now.
i'll find my way back home somehow;
♥

dear you

when you grow older, you learn that people
can come in and out of your life in a blink of an eye.
sometimes,whether you like it or not.
some things you have no control over;
you just have to accept it and move on.
but i don't think that people consider
that even though you might be in somebody's
life for even the shortest amount of time,
you never discover what kind of impact you
had on them.
and so when you decide to leave their life;
it hurts them.
it can tear a person apart,wondering what went wrong.
not many people care to think of how their actions effect a person;
so next time you leave a persons life without warning,think
about how their gonna feel.

hard as i try

i know i can't quit



why are you so addictive?
i want to know everything there is to know about you.
my hopes are so high they're tearing me apart;
im usually pessimistic but with you i feel optimistic.
i want things to work out between us; i don't want
people getting in between us messing with our minds
saying what we should or should not do.
just follow our hearts & things will fall into place.
all we can do is live and learn; if we break each others hearts
it just another lesson learned.
atleast we won't be saying "what if"
because i know all the "what ifs" are killing me.
aren't you curious too?
give me a chance, to show you that im the girl for you,
thats all i need.


this is such a confusing situation;
my heads gonna spontneously combust.

it's all the same

I dont mind, I dont care
as long as you're here





i still have my doubts;im still afraid.
that your gonna slip through my fingers.
your so close,yet so far away.
the little things get in the way of us being together;it seems.



your gonna be my favorite hello
and hardest goodbye in the end.
i know it

but as for now i wanna focus on the present
and perhaps the future; as to what could blossom over time.


however long you stay is all that I am

what can i do

to make you say-come back to me.



what do you do when your best guy friend
and a guy that supposedly liked you is ignoring you?

I'm the type of person where i don't handle these types of situations
very well. i over analyze every little detail and then put the blame on myself
even if its not my fault.
I think at this point I'm going a little crazy because i feel helpless.
As if there's nothing i can do; which in reality i don't think there's much i can do.
I feel as if i was held on a string so high above then somebody just cut it; and boom.
& i know "i deserve better" and so forth but if anything i sorta wanted
him to be my favorite mistake.
if that makes any sense...?
i think maybe he doesn't talk to me because..I'm dull.
i mean honestly I'm not an exciting person; I'm boring and quiet.
i guess i don't blame him i wouldn't want to talk to a boring person either.
it's all my fault though he warned me " don't get you hopes up okay?"
and i was so naive and thought oh no I'm not, its gonna be different this time!
its gonna work out.
how stupid was I.
i know i should move on but its like how can i move on when
i wasn't really given a chance?
"i don't wanna see him" is what i keep saying.
well, im lying.
sort of..
cause deep down inside i do want to see him, but then i don't because i guess im afraid?
i haven't quite figured that one out yet.

hold on

what's the rush? what's the rush?


I'm finally realizing
that i was rushed into things way too quickly.
yes, he did like me.
& yes, i did like him too.
i just wish we wouldn't have known that we liked each other.
i like a little mystery,and the benefit of the doubt.
now it kinda seems as if theres nothing to try for.
although in my part, i have everything to try for.
its either i put my heart on the line and prove to him that I'm the right girl
or, i just give up and walk away and forget he ever happened.
tough decision.
i highly doubt the "forgetting he ever happened" will happen.
my gut feeling is telling me that theres things going on with him
talking about me but he's not telling me anything.
i hate feeling so lost,restless, and confused; its a empty feeling
and as much as you try to ignore it, it doesn't go away.
it just lingers there and sometimes it intensifies and sometimes
it dissipates a little. but its always there.


like him; he's always there in my heart,
i might sound crazy but i don't care.

give love a try;

one more time

is it possible for your head to explode?

i think mine has a chance of spontaneously

combusting at any moment.

i think now is the time for me to build

back up my wall that has so long guarded my heart.

the wall has been down for three days but enough

damage has been done, and i rather not ensue any more.

I've been given plenty of advice but at time passes by i

still feel as if i cannot explain what I'm feeling nor that anybody

really understands.

in all honesty, i sorta don't want to explain how i feel because

i think i will just portray myself as a complete idiot.

most of the time i think of myself as a mature well educated person,

but when it comes to love I'm hopeless.

i believe i define a hopeless romantic.

it doesn't help me any when the guy is very shy

and never talks to me. yet,he likes me, as so I've heard.

i just hope that God will guide me through and

things will just fall into place.

in the end if they don't its just another lesson learned,

another experience i can say I've been through.

another piece of my heart broken,

the pain will be so enjoyable.

come on baby let me in;

&show me what this really is about.



these past two days have been a world wind of crazy.
i think I've felt an array of emotions.
but mainly happiness and worry;
i never knew i could like somebody so quickly.
could i be jumping into things too quickly,
or is love at first site really a true meaning?
i dont want to lose him, or get rejected.
i think he's one of the sweetest boys i've ever met.
tomorrow will be a even more crazier day,
im so grateful to have amazing friends to be there for me like
haley,amanda,chasin,and karly.
♥you guys.


Is this the end of the moment
Or just a beautiful unfolding
Of a love that will never be
For you and me?

what if

have you ever thought too deeply about something

it then made you think about something you wish you hadn't

thought about in the first place?

confusing? yes, you might have to read that a few times if your a slow

comprehend-er like me.

but then, you have to shake that thought out of your head.

although, it's still in the back of your mind, nagging at you.

then you go back to thinking about that subject you were

avoiding altogether in the first place.

and as you think about it you see the little things

that you didn't see in the beginning.

your heart grows fond, and you may even start to hallucinate

at things or drift away to dreamland for a bit.

but in the end you know this isnt meant to be.

its not what you planned, you hear a little voice throw out

warning signs and caution threats: outcome may be fatal.

but you can't help to resist taking the fall,

your still deathly freightened it may end it all.

what do you chose?

what if what i want makes you sad at me

and if it's all my fault then let me fix it please

-safetysuit

summer breeze : )

and so the school year has finally ended.

i am no more a freshman, but a sophomore.

and now we have three months of staying up all night and sleeping all day

ahh, the freedom is sweet.

although i do not have any major plans to go anywhere this summer,

i am completely content.

my plans are to read a few amazing books, take some amazing pictures with

my new HD fujifilm camera, and hang out with my friends.

here are some picture i took for your enjoyment:

well,there you have it my first blog post expect many more.